being my own friend

If ever I was having a shame moment, it was this weekend.

I kiiiiiinda... maaaaaaybe... might have┬áCOMPLETELY lost all control this year and totally gorged myself on Thanksgiving breads and pies and ice cream... and not my GAPS friendly versions either­čś│. The headache, lethargy, and general grossness that soon set in were bad. But ooooooohhh... those self-shaming thoughts that followed were so much worse! I know we all do it to some extent once in a while--the "what was I thinking? why did I do that?" thoughts that follow bad decisions--but this time I really beat myself up for a while. I was miserable. "How could I lose control like that? I'm such a hypocrite." Brene Brown, in her books on shame and vulnerability, calls those mean little ideas about ourselves the "gremlins"--and my mean little gremlins were having a grand party in my head telling me I was a terrible person for losing control.

I was sitting on my couch being all miserable when suddenly, I had a moment of clarity. What was I doing?  It really hit me. What was I telling myself? 

My point of view spun around 180° and suddenly I took a step outside myself, to take a look at me. 

Oh. Wow. Hello, me.

Suddenly I stopped feeling angry at myself. Look at me! I was doing my best (granted, shoving a whole pie in my mouth was probably not my best moment.. but we're moving on). Amy, I thought, I need to take care of me!!  I began to speak to myself like my own friend. 

Yes, I did need to take care of my body by eating nutritious foods. Yes, I needed to take care of my mind by not losing control or eating out of emotional needs. And yes, I needed to take care of my spirit by enjoying what I eat with mindfulness and gratitude. But I also needed to take care of the way I talk to myself. I needed to more easily forgive myself, allow myself to make improvements, and accept that it takes time to grow. 

And so I had a great chat with myself today. And I think I just gained a new friend.

So hello, me.

Let's be friends today.



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